Quiz: What Kind of Dog Are You?

You've counted so many sheep you now cringe at the sight of wool. You've paced the floor so much, you've worn a path in the carpet. But still, the insomnia rages on.

Like countless others, you, too, have been plagued with an answerless question. Night after night, that question has been going around in your brain like a hamster on a wheel.

Well, get ready for a good night's sleep, because you are just 15 questions away from uncovering the answer to the puzzle:

If you were a dog, what kind would you be?

1. Your friend is throwing a "hat party." Everyone invited must come wearing their favourite hat. No problem. Yours is hanging by the door. It's a:
a) Racing helmet (complete with goggles, of course!).
b) Sherlock Holmes hat.
c) Fisherman's hat.
d) Fleece toque.
e) Cowboy hat.
f) Forget the hat! You'll wreck your perfect hair!

2. You are enjoying a night in on your own. Which means you have control of the remote. You make your popcorn and settle down in front of the TV, just in time for your favourite movie to begin. That movie is:
a) La Bamba.
b) Rambo: First Blood.
c) Old Yeller.
d) Heidi.
e) City Slickers.
f) Pretty Woman.

3. You are shopping at the mall. After a couple of hours, you decide to stop for lunch. You have your choice from multiple stands at the food court. You decide on:
a) A three-bean burrito from the taco stand.
b) Anything with strong and fragrant aromas. Your nose
never lets you down.
c) A bit of everything. In fact, you're so hungry you even butt in line.
d) Some trail mix you have with you in your cargo pants' pocket.
e) A burger and fries. You're a meat and potatoes kind of person.
f) Food court? You're not eating at a food court! Where's the caviar?

4. You once told a school career counselor that if you could be anything, you would be:
a) A singer in a mariachi band.
b) A homicide detective.
c) A lifeguard.
d) A paramedic.
e) A rancher.
f) A runway model.

5. The last time you just couldn't put a book down, it was:
a) Catch Me If You Can.
b) A John Grisham novel.
c) The Old Man and the Sea.
d) Lassie: Lost in the Snow.
e) An old Louis L'Amour paperback Western.
f) Last month's Vogue. (Um, that's kind of like a book, right?)

6. You bought a raffle ticket to support your nephew's Little League team, and-sure enough-you won the vacation of your dreams. That vacation is spent:
a) Hitting the beaches of Cancun with a few of your craziest friends.
b) On a walking tour of Jack the Ripper's London, England.
c) On the lake, surrounded by all the people you love.
d) Skiing in the Alps.
e) Vacation?! Who has time for a vacation?
f) Shopping on Madison Avenue in New York.

7. To look at you-based on your body type-someone might guess you to be what kind of an athlete?
a) A horse jockey.
b) An armchair athlete.
c) A swimmer.
d) A linebacker. (They may even call you "the Truck.")
e) A marathon runner.
f) By "athlete," do you mean someone who doesn't care if they break a nail?

8. Your parents saved the majority of your report cards. Reading them now, you see that the comment found most over the years was:
a) "Head of the Pep Squad. But a bit too talkative at times. Needs to pause for a breath every once in a while!"
b) "Can be a little stubborn and slow. Pick up your feet! Show some enthusiasm!"
c) "Dependable, popular, keen, and a great athlete. Just an all-round joy!"
d) "A helpful student who volunteers for everything!"
e) "A workaholic. A non-stop learner and overachiever who excels at virtually everything. No doubt, a future valedictorian."
f) "Needs to focus less on looking in the mirror and focus more on actually learning."

9. Your favourite subject in school was:
a) Spanish.
b) Law.
c) Cooking (and eating!).
d) First Aid.
e) Calculus-which you loved as much as you loved Phys. Ed.
f) Actually, you skipped class whenever you could to go to the mall.

10. If asked, your friends would agree the best nickname for you would be:
a) Speedy Gonzales.
b) Matlock.
c) Pollyanna.
d) The Ox.
e) Einstein.
f) Little Miss Perfect.

11. You're driving down a long stretch of highway and a song you love comes on the radio. You turn up the volume because it's:
a) Ricky Martin's "Livin La Vida Loca."
b) Elvis Presley's "You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog."
c) Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You."
d) Aretha Franklin's "Rescue Me."
e) Donna Summer's "She Works Hard For The Money."
f) Madonna's "Material Girl."

12. It's Friday night after a long week. You and some co-workers decide to check out the new club that's opened near the office. You:
a) Cut a rug on the dance floor. Occasionally, you even show off by dancing on the speakers.
b) Sit back and watch. Occasionally, you let out a yawn.
c) Socialize. You like to meet as many new people as you can.
d) Stand at the door. You want to help the bouncer break up any fights.
e) Reconsider and decide to stay at the office and work late.
f) Flirt. You even bat your eyelashes.

13. You have reserved some time this weekend to indulge in your most enjoyable pastime. You can't wait to:
a) Burn around town with friends on your scooters.
b) Play a board game-preferably Clue.
c) Grab your rod, bait, and tackle.
d) Go for a challenging hike in the mountains.
e) Go for a long run down a country road.
f) Hit the shops! You haven't bought anything new in days!

14. Finally, the intriguing new person in the next cubicle has asked you out! You're excited because the two of you are going to:
a) Salsa dance the night away.
b) Go to the theatre to see a really great who-done-it.
c) Sail and spend a terrific day on the water.
d) Enjoy a cozy fall evening in front of the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate.
e) Horseback ride in the countryside.
f) Eat at a chic restaurant where you can see-and be seen.

15. All modesty aside, you would say your best trait is:
a) Your boundless energy.
b) Your water-off-a-duck's-back personality.
c) Your loyalty to friends.
d) Your helpful good manners.
e) Your incredible career drive.
f) Your stunning good looks.

So, what kind of a dog are you?

Simply tally up your letters-and prepare for some long-overdue sheep-free shut-eye tonight.

If you answered mostly A's:
Incredibly lively, with a fabulous zest for life, you adore the companionship of active friends. You are none other than the bright and highly spirited Chihuahua. You likely look adorable in a sombrero as well.

If you answered mostly B's:
Warm, laid back, and fun loving, you frequently march to your own (very slow) drummer. And you come by your love for a good mystery honesty. You are, after all, a Basset Hound. (While you're most famous for your nose, those droopy eyes would win anyone over.)

If you answered mostly C's:
Popular. Dependable. Well loved. Athletic-particularly around the water. And loyal. That's you! Everyone's favourite stick chaser, you are of course, a Lab. Now, pass the Kleenex and pop in Old Yeller. Mmm…

If you answered mostly D's:
Tender, trustworthy, and benevolent, you are always there to lend a helping hand to friends and strangers alike. Then again, what Saint Bernard isn't? And your sturdiness makes you oh-so huggable on those cold, snowy mountaintops.

If you answered mostly E's:
We're thrilled you took time out of your busy day to even take this quiz! Like most Border Collies, you are all work and very little play. But with brains like yours, work likely feels like play sometimes, right? Especially when work is in rural areas where you can roam and be utterly free!

If you answered mostly F's:
The belle of the ball, you pay careful attention to your own personal grooming. You don't have a heck of a lot of time for structured learning-not when you could be strutting your Yorkshire Terrier-stuff down urban streets, showing off the latest in chien-chic.

If you answered two letters equally, consider yourself a very rare mix.

If you answered three letters equally, you are- of course-a good old-fashioned mutt. And all the more loveable for it! ■

Mary-Jo Dionne is a Vancouver-based writer and the mother of two modern dogs, Cowboy and Nelly. The realization that she herself is likely a Chihuahua-Lab-cross (a Chab?) means she, too, can finally sleep at night.