New Boyfriend Hates My Dogs

New Boyfriend Hates My Dogs
Ask Dog Lady


Dear Dog Lady,
When I was 17, I broke up with a man whom I have missed for 30-some years. Last year, he contacted me. I now live at his house with my two small dogs. They used to be in my bed and on the sofa with me. When I moved here, I knew they were not going to be allowed in the house.
We live on 80 treed acres (coyotes in the area). I have managed to get the dogs into the basement for the night. We also have an outdoor kennel I use when I go out for the day. Other than that they can run free. My question is: Why do some people feel so strongly about where dogs belong? My boyfriend says he is never going to have a dog control his life. His mom did, he says. Actually, his mom loves dogs so I don’t understand this.
I really miss having my dogs available in the house and cuddling with me but it isn’t going to happen here. I am considering moving away from this man over my two dogs. Why on earth would I do this? Also, my dog Bruce doesn’t get on well with anyone who comes over (he’s only an angel to me). He barks and barks at my boyfriend’s little grandchildren and nearly anyone else so I have to put him in the basement kennel whenever anyone comes over. He is pretty good if I leash him; he is much better behaved then. I am contemplating giving Bruce away but I love him so much. This is a horrible predicament! Any suggestions? Can you shed any light on my dogs’ behaviour or mine, or my boyfriend’s?
—Chris, Redwater, AB

Chris, you sold your dogs short when you moved into your boyfriend’s house. In the heat of desire for a long lost love to blossom anew, you gave away much more than you thought at the time. You agreed to the rules to keep your dogs out of his house without thinking of the consequences. Dog Lady assumes you did so without much discussion with your boyfriend. You were yearning for his embrace and forgetful of the comfort from your dogs’ fuzzy behinds in the bed and on the sofa. You now suffer the consequences. The dogs have become a roadblock you never anticipated when you got that fateful phone call after 30-some years.
Your boyfriend obviously has psychological issues around dogs in the house. He mentions his mother. He vows dogs will never control his life the way they did hers. Wow, that’s deep. Does he feel mama loved her dogs more than him? We can only speculate in Freudian fashion. You say his mother really does love dogs so we get things from two perspectives. From your point of view, his mother bestows canine affection appropriately. Your boyfriend has a whole different mindset about this. Do you care to enter into therapy and sort this psychodrama through? It’s an option.
In the meantime, try to reason with the guy. Show him how little Bruce behaves when he is on the leash in the house. Tell him you’d be happy to keep Bruce tethered by your side when grandchildren are afoot. Ask him if your dogs might be allowed inside the house three days a week, as a compromise. Tell him you will be totally responsible for their behaviour. Assure him that you will never let two dogs come between the two of you. If he ever feels you’re giving more attention to the pets, you will be responsive to his complaint. Let your boyfriend know in real terms what’s in your head, because you seem miserable in this situation and ache for your dogs’ company.
If he’s still dead-set against allowing your dogs in the house, you will have to figure things out further. It may mean moving out and getting a place of your own nearby so you can still live close by but have the life with dogs you want. Always remember: you got yourself into this mess. And let’s hope you’ve learned a lesson—you will never sell your dogs short again.

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Comments (8)

Wow..I researched "I don't like dogs in my house" and found this article and discussion. I am in the very same boat. My grlfriend has dogs and I can't STAND them in my house. I am a pet lover..I always have been. I currently have a mix Siamese that is allowed to go outside. As a child I was raised with Collies and Austrailian Shepards as "outside in a pen" working dogs. And I LOVED them. Problem is these dog are her "kids" and i think they are not well behaved; they bark constantly and one of them almost bit one of the neighbor kids before I could catch her. They smell, they track dirt on my carpet..they are ruining the grass in my back yard and she has to tell them 50 times a night to get off the couch" or "get off the bed." To me that's a sign of bad parenting.... I really dont know what to do..I adore my girlfriend but HATE her dogs... It is causing me alot of stress. I am not a bad person, and I have patience..I am a single dad with a 12 year old daughter I can understand and try to adapt. Am being unreasonable..??
Fri, 11/30/2012 - 09:18
Dogs shed everywhere, they lave a mess, they poop over everything, they leave piles of dander (dead skin), along with that parasites, and a huge vet bill.

Having pets in the house means you are willingly living in all that mess.
Mon, 07/29/2013 - 13:35
Want a little dose of honesty? You dog people are fucked up in the head. THAT is the problem. The mere fact that someone would choose an animal over the true love that only a HUMAN BEING can provide is not only a "psychological issue" (to quote your own words), but also is deeply disturbing.

Everyone has different likes and dislikes, and are entitled to that freedom whether you like it or not. To label them as somehow being defective is extremely childish and short-sighted on your part.

So go ahead and cuddle up with your stinky-assed muts who don't pay the mortgage, help with your chores, or make love to you...or do they?

Tue, 10/08/2013 - 16:26
Ditto. couldn't have put it better myself.
Thu, 09/03/2015 - 05:09
This advice is atrocious. Owning a dog is an easy way to get unlimited affection. Just like watching pornography is an easy way to get unlimited sexual stimulation. Does that make either activity good for the benefit of human beings in a society? Absolutely not. Choose the easy way, if that's all you're concerned with. If you want to join the human race, if you want love from other human beings, you have to make compromises. Sounds like Dog Lady made her choice a long time ago.
Sat, 01/11/2014 - 13:09
i agree w everyone on here except for the long ridicoulous comment from the dog lady. It is absolutely sickening to me to here humans choosing animals over humans. They are animals they should not be on our furniture or in our beds and to expects another human to want to be discusting with you is selfish! Dogs that whine beg get on furniture and barge into humans or other animals are down right intrusive. And there is no one to blame but the delusional dog owner who in the end would rather worry about the animal relationship than the human! If your partner won't commit to training the animal as it should be get out of that relationship! What the hell dog lady that was horrible advice!
Thu, 12/18/2014 - 14:41
As I sit here reading Chris's question and the replies from Dog lady and other various individuals (who clearly need mental help) I can't help but think. . .why the heck would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't have the same likes as you? Chris clearly you need to leave this man. He sounds like a control freak. I am the first to admit I hated dogs. I thought they were needy, filthy, loud, hairy beasts BUT my son wanted a dog for his birthday and despite my protest he got one (I was not happy). My kids rescued a dog that was caught in a bush and brought her home (I was not happy again). I resented those dogs for the longest time and then I met this little Chi mix who had just lost her eye and needed a home. The first time she and I met she walked over to me, let me pick her up, and fell asleep in my arms. I was in love. I finally felt what my husband and kids felt for our other dogs. The point of my story is that my family's happiness came before mine. And I strongly believe that if you love someone you learn to adapt and get over yourself. I understand not wanting the dogs on the couch or on the bed but to not let them in the house is ridiculous. It's not about choosing an animal over a human it's about choosing happiness over misery.
Mon, 02/09/2015 - 23:47
I just went through the same thing. In my case the guy was jealous of any attention I gave the dogs. He said I let them lick my face which was a flat out lie. They are both good dogs. He was either delusional or just looking for an excuse to run home. He kept saying hhe loved me but I don't think that could be true. Then he said he had an exwife that fed the dog before she fed him and I said well at least she cooked after working all day. I'm sure the dog needed to get fed. That loser could get his own food. So glad I stood my ground. I love these kids
Sat, 01/28/2017 - 16:52

Dog of the Week!

Meet: Kato