Whoever said dogs can do no wrong obviously never had her pooch decide to do his business in the ATM room of the bank (on security camera!) or bring home a pile of “racy” magazines (actually happened!) from the neighbour’s trash. Well, sharing is therapeutic, so we asked readers to send in their most embarrassing moments, and boy, did we receive some doozies. Herewith, some of the funniest, most mortifying stories of the bunch. Enjoy!
• I was walking my Dalmatian, Parker, down the sidewalk of a posh shopping area in Portland, Oregon, filled with lots of people out for a day of shopping. Parker was always looking for something to grab off the ground and once he had it, there was no letting go. On this day, he found a very anatomically correct, um, adult toy. I looked down and he had it by the balls. There I was on the sidewalk trying to wrestle this thing away from him and his clenched jaws as he growled and curious onlookers observed in horror—“Drop it!!” “Leave it!” “Oh my God!” Once I finally did get it out of his mouth, I couldn’t exactly carry it around until I found a trash can, so I threw it into a parking lot and we hurried away in shame. Puppy kisses were never the same after that. —Jason Petre
• It was a snowy weekend and the dogs were restless because they had not been able to go out and play in a few days. My husband had a bunch of his friends over for a football game when all the attention was drawn to my two Miniature Pinschers, Tiny and Misty. They were having a noisy game of tug-of-war when I laughingly looked down and saw they had grabbed my bra out of the laundry basket! I screamed and joined the tug-of-war to retrieve it. After a few moments I won and slunk upstairs to assess the damage and hide it. My husband thought it was very funny; I just thought it was embarrassing. I find it funny now that when he’s not home they do it with his underwear! —Eileen Giangregorio
• When my Boston Terrier, Stella, was a puppy, she was so gassy she could clear out a room. My friends were starting to get used to her silent stink bombs and, when the familiar smell hit like a ton of bricks, everyone would wipe the tears from their eyes and simultaneously groan “Stel-lahhhh.” I was hosting a wine and cheese get-together—as close as I get to a posh affair—when a repugnant stench filled the room. “Stel-lahhh!!!” Only this time, Stella did not ignore our groans whilst trying to pass off her innocence. Instead, her little ears perked up as she started sniffing the air. I watched in horror as Stella excitedly sniffed out the true source of the odour—one of my guests! She was so little, but that did not stop her from struggling up onto the sofa and shoving her nose right into my guest’s butt. Proud of herself, she let out a couple of barks. Of course with the exception of the hostess and offending guest, the entire room was also barking—with laughter. —Name withheld by request
• My little dog, Buddy, a gentle Pomeranian whom I unfortunately lost last month, was in the basement with me while a man was repairing my dryer. There were half-dry clothes hanging all around from when my dryer quit. Buddy limped over to see what the man was doing and the repairman said, “What have you got on your paw there, little Buddy?” I looked down and noticed that stuck to Buddy’s paw was a pantyliner that must have made its way through the wash. To make matters worse, Buddy chose that moment to use his “wave” trick at the repairman. I snatched the pad off his paw quickly, said “Hmm, I don’t know what that is,” then went upstairs with Buddy to avoid my embarrassment. —Kerry Craven
• I took my dogs to the dog park and a dog pulled my pants down. Luckily I had on underwear and not a thong.... —Wendy-Lynn